If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
