let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
