I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
