Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
