ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
