Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
