Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
