Sober January is a disaster.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
