she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
