You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
