ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
