it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
