just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize