I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
