That's when you crack a 10am beer
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize