Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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