i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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