He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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