I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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