I wish I could punch you in the face.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
