I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
