Me too!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize