After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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