Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
