I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
