My room smells like vodka and shame
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize