I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
