She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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