Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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