OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
