i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize