only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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