Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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