Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
