No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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