Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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