The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
