just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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