Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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