on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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