eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
