just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
