you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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