you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
