We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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