i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
