I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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