The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
