I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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