Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
