Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
