So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
