apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
