Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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