theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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