Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
