so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
