the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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