I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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