I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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