I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
