I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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