I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
