I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
