At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
