woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
smell my finger.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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