Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
