So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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