Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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