my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
