hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We had to coat check the pizza.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
sex in a hospital.. check
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
