is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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