I will die if light touches me.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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