she woke up with a sticky ear
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
