i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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