i was born a porn star she said
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
