Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
