Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
