Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i was born a porn star she said
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
