You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
