you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
