i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
