How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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