Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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