Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
