My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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