Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
