Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
