In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
