I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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