You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
