he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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