There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
