His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
