just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
