Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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