i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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