You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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