During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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