Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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