You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
