Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
