my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
