She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
