just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
